Paying the price

"I’m interested in the all-inclusive package. It says 'unlimited everything' for one flat rate, right?"

"Correct! Unlimited everything. However, 'everything' excludes the essentials. Those are extra."

"Essentials? What essentials?"

"Should you need to actually use the service, that's where the real value kicks in. It's pay per use."

"Per use? What does 'use' even mean?"

"Each time you log in. Also, every time you breathe while logged into our service, it’s considered a premium breath."

"That's absurd! I breathe a lot!"

"Exactly, it's a very valuable feature. Most users find it quite breathtaking."

"This is ridiculous. What if I want to cancel?"

"Cancellation is our most user-friendly feature. Only a minor processing fee for each day you've thought about canceling."

"I haven't even signed up yet!"

"Ah, but you've thought about it. That's the spirit of commitment we cherish. Welcome aboard!"